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Home » The Problem of Sex & How To Get Married

The Problem of Sex & How To Get Married

When I was growing up, I suffered a lot due to the grown ups around me
How dysfunctional my family was and how dysfunctional my parent’s family on both sides was, didn’t help either
There were times that I wished I was not even born
And although I forgot about this already now that I am 33 years old,
But after watching this Stefan Molyneux video – I am suddenly reminded how I was sexually molested when I was 12 – 13 years old by an older male teenage relative which was about 17 years old
And I also witnessed the sexual molestation of a girl by this same person
When I look back at this, I can think, sure, it’s not that bad compared to other children who could have got raped and such
I don’t know if such an experience has affected me as a person and I guess i have brushed this aside thats why i forgot about this in the first place
But these experiences are not good experiences that edifies a child so that a child can grow up
Sure, being honest overall, actually all of what I went through was very mild compared to families where parents rape their own kids
Or a family where the father come home drunk and physically beat their wife and children for no reason
But even in this mildness I had within me many issues, those children who come from those abusive families perhaps are more likely to be worse off than I
Yet to say that what I suffered was mild in comparison to others, imagine a cup of water with a tiny drop of urine in it.
Would anyone drink it ?
Would you ?

Now that I am reborn in Christ, I no longer hold a grudge against my parents and their families, henceforth I have been set free from all chains that the world intends upon me

And now I clearly see as God opened my eyes to see for the first time

The root cause of the problem at hand is now identified

And hopefully, resolved

People back then, they got married even without knowing how to manage themselves properly !

Sadly, people now still do too

Ignorant in their ways,

Believing in the lie, that sex is something else than it really is

Believing in the false belief that marriage is something else than what it really is

Just like how people also live with the false belief that money is something else than what it really is

The problem of money is that people forgot what money is

The problem of sex is that people forgot what sex really is

A life built upon deception makes a shaky foundation

And this is the root cause for the cancerous symptom of dysfunctional relationships that I seen, heard, personally experienced & suffered from

Sex is now a religion

Sex became religion when people mistake the means to an end as the end in itself
In other words, they have mistaken the process to the result as the result itself !
And without understanding they blindly follow the mistakes of their forefathers before them through tradition or false teaching about sex

To illustrate the difference :

A ) Mixing dough just for the sake of mixing the dough


B ) Mixing dough to bake bread

People seek sex but what is the result of sex ?
Its the creation of children
Its just that simple
Nothing more
Nothing less
Since childhood its been repeated over and over again thru the media or other means that sex is a need
Subtly or directly this mysticism have immersed us
Is it a need really ?
Is the creation of children a need ?
Would we suffer from death or some sort of deformity if we dont have sex ?

Sex is designed for procreation, not recreation

Since the above is what sex is
What is marriage then ?
This is the false belief that is being taught to everyone non stop 24/7 now :
Marriage will finally make you happy and finally thru this you will be content
How many who went into marriage thinking that, come out with happiness in their hearts, their hands and their mind ?
Lets measure this in 3 years, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, 50 years, 100 years
If its is really true that marriage brings content then there will not be divorce

Marriage is only the drawn boundary around a man and a woman, setting them apart for the purpose of distinguishing their absolute dedication to raise up the children they bear together through their sexual union

Other words, its a promise to be each other’s business partner in their new business of producing the next generation of people made through their enterprise


In other words, marriage = sex with a purpose

Nothing more or less

Since marriage is sex with a purpose, what is the correct purpose of marriage of which will solidify and empower this marriage through the test of time ?

Is it to stave off our loneliness ?

Is it to sanctify and satisfy our sexual desires ?

Is it for the sake of blending in to social norm ?

Is it to produce offspring so we can boast to others ?

Is it to produce children so they can take care of us when we are old and dying ?

If any of the above is part or whole of any reason a person goes into marriage, the likelihood of a problematic marriage will be very high indeed


Awhile back someone was very rude to me and yet I opt to reach out to him and even offering him a meal so that we can slow talk and resolve our differences, this is his reply :

He said eh I got no time to slow talk with you, I got 4 mouths to feed. I am right and you are wrong and thats it ( abbreviated version )

So this is what he said actually : I mixed dough and now I have 4 doughs I dont know what to do with hence that gives me the right to proclaim my greater righteousness over you because my need is greater for I have mixed dough without knowing the intention of my dough mixing

As you can see, false belief is very problematic not only to the person practicing it but to the people around them too

Why do marriages fail ?

Well, to have success in reality, we should always begin with the end in mind
Before we mix dough to bake bread, how many consider what we will do with the bread first ?
Eg. To eat it, to sell it or to store it ? To give it as a gift ?
Does anyone mix dough before considering what they will do with the dough before mixing it ?
We dont mix dough just for the sake of mixing dough do we ?
So the same

Since marriage is all about child raising

When we choose a spouse for the purpose of child raising, what traits should we go for ?
Is it merely looks ? Is it merely humour ? Is it merely cattle ? ( material wealth )

Or is there more ?

How can we be properly equipped for this great task of raising a new generation more perfect than us ?

And before we even produce children
What is the purpose of our children ?

How do we nurture our children in order for them to best pursue this intended purpose ?

Certainly this is one question worthy of being answered

The thing is this, due to the complexity and vast potential of the human mind
Child raising is vastly different from that of a primitive animal
Nothing short of absolute complete dedication to this work of nurture can we produce the best possible result in our children so that they may serve to move forward the human project as we pass on the baton to them
And just two person is not enough to raise complete children
It takes a whole village to raise a child
So there is more to this than meets the eye
But of course, all of above and below will just tumble down as a house of cards without the foundation of which this is built on
With Love I wrote this, with Love I share this and it is only with and thru Love that a marriage can be sustained
Love for the past generations, Love for the present generations, Love for the future generations : Everlasting
But then

What is Love ?

This is my journey which led me to finally understand what Love is

There is only one definition which would make all this work
Because the definition of True Love lies in unconditional selfless sacrifice, that I do not have to have sex with a girl to demonstrate “love” for her
Because sex is absolutely not what love is
Sex and love are completely separate topics just as how a screwdriver is separate from a pen
For believers, perhaps it is time for a new wedding vow :
As I come into this marriage I promise to hand in hand step forth with you my wife ( or you my husband ) to build the future through the nurturing of children born through our union
For purpose of the creation of a new world to come, an ever more perfect one
Through the raising and nurture of the children between us, we herald the return of our King
Lord Jesus Christ


This line of logic is one part of a multi potent approach to all social problems we see in this age

For the big picture of this solution please read



20180513 – Addon

A few people mentioned to me that they dont agree that sex is not required for a married couple to demonstrate their love for each other

My answer is as follows :

I acknowledge that there are many many ways to express Love to a loved one


1 ) Cooking food for them
2 ) Taking care of them while they are sick
3 ) Not deserting them in their worst moments
4 ) And perhaps pleasure
5 ) To correct them if they display a logical error which can greatly affect their life

as the only correct definition of True Love Everlasting is selfless sacrifice, i must consider 1 – 5 methods of showing Love are of equal value but perhaps the 4th is the least of them all especially if we do consider the full practicality of what sex really is , which is to make children

The entire article above is about the desexualisation of Love and the full practical acknowledgement of marriage

We need only to look into the lives of the poorest amongst us, how many of them have too low an income but dont have resources to raise perfectly the results of their sex ? their children ?

Cant afford to eat but have 10 children ?

How long will their incorrect belief in Love need to be subsidised or even supported by the communities around them ?

How much more shall the community need to give to keep on support or even enable the mistakes of others because of their incorrect belief in Love ?

I do, write and think, all for the solution of social problems

And the solution is now found.

Today is the day of freedom –